Top reasons marriages fail and how to avoid them

With the statistics of failed marriages holding steady (one out of every two marriages eventually fails) it has become crucial to understand why this happens. Married couples need to determine why marriages fail and how to keep themselves out of the offices of divorce attorneys. Even more startling a recent poll showed that at least 1/3 of all married people stated that if they could do it again they would not marry their same partner. While this is certainly distressing the good news is that there are things you can do to keep your marriage from becoming a negative statistic. Here is the information you need to know about the top reasons marriages fail and how to understand them so you don't make the same mistakes. Part of the problem is that divorce has become so easy to do that it is no wonder that couples who are having difficulty throw in the towel so soon. Marriage takes commitment and trust, communication and faith. While the reasons marriages fail can vary from widely in different situations here are some of the top reasons marriages fail and what you can do about them:

Unrealistic Expectations
When two people are in love, the saying "Love is blind" is usually true. Too often couples enter into marriage with a false picture of what it will really entail. The answer to this is clear communication before you get engaged as to what each of you expects out of the institution of marriage. For example: if the two of you are realistically going to need to work in order to provide for the household, it is equally unrealistic for her to expect to be provided for while she stays home to run the house as it is for him to insist that no wife of his is going to work. It is also highly unrealistic to think that marrying someone will change them. Too often couples feel that getting married will make things better or a person will change when they settle down. This is a critical mistake that can doom a marriage from the very beginning.

Fear of Intimacy
Many times individuals in a relationship bring in excess baggage from other relationships or even developmental deficiencies that do not allow them to be truly intimate with another person. If either of the partners in a couple have a fear of intimacy issue, it is especially crucial to work them out in therapy or couples counseling before you get engaged. This is one of the major reasons that people of religious faith often recommend pre-marriage counseling for young couples.

Marrying too young
Divorce attorneys often give this as one of the top three of why marriages fail. Many times this happens because people do not want to live out their lives lonely and panic. It is crucial to get to know your intended as well as possible before popping the question. While there are many instances and stories of young lovers marrying soon after meeting and those marriages lasting a lifetime, the truth is that most do not. Most attorneys suggest waiting until at least 30 to marry. Not one single attorney questioned in a recent poll suggested getting married at a young age. The odds of a marriage surviving climb exponentially with the ages of the partners involved.

Lack of communication
This could easily be listed as the most important aspect of your marriage. Many times new marriages tend to settle down after the first two to three years, and the long walks and talks give way to yelling reminders to each other as you leave for work. Couples must constantly be on guard against losing communication in their relationships. Taking time to reconnect and talk about what is important to you both is critical in keeping a marriage relationship alive and growing. If you are having communication problems in your marriage give up the "50/50" spilt and open the lines of communication today. It may just save your marriage.

Lack of trust
This is the number one reason that couples get divorced. The answer to this dilemma is humor and validation between the spouses. Wise marriage partners would do well to do something every day for their spouse to show them that they are the only one for you. You can often de-escalate a situation with humor, but not sarcasm. While there is ebb and flow in all relationships trust can always be maintained. If you keep vigilant for warning signs that your partner needs your validation, you need never worry that your marriage will end up as a negative statistic.

Lack of compatibility
The saying goes that opposites attract but divorce attorneys advice couples to be more alike than different in order to last. While you may think that her free spirit is charming compared to your Type-A personality the odds of a long term match are against you. Statistic show that couples that share a strong basis in values, goals, traits and even hobbies fare much better in marriage and have much better odds of long term success. Trying to find someone just like you may be impossible (and boring) but making sure you want the same things out of life is crucial. Even if compatibility is not a problem in your marriage couples often fail to anticipate differences resulting from diverse cultural backgrounds, differing family experiences, gender, and so on. Even if you find someone with whom you share a similar background it is important to understand that no two people see everything the same way. You will both have different ideas, traditions and ways of doing things that you will bring to the marriage. Understanding and respecting differences is crucial to making your marriage last.

Sex and Infidelity
A lack of sex or sexual incompatibility can often lead couples to divorce. Marriages thrive on a foundation of healthy physical intimacy and if this is missing for any reason couples should seek help from their physician, religious advisor or a counselor. These problems can be worked on and keep couples from divorcing. While infidelity is always a serious blow to a marriage divorce attorneys state that this is rarely the only problem in the marriage. If infidelity has occurred in the marriage and couples want to work to stay together they will need to determine the root of the problems and work to solve them.

The In-Law Factor
Parents who will not stay out of their kids lives are a major reason for divorce. It becomes critical for the married couple to establish healthy boundaries with both sides of the extended family. While advice and counsel can be taken parents should also be respectful about what they offer to their married offspring. Couples must work to stand together and show that their marriage relationship is the most important and not allow in-laws to have an unhealthy influence on their marriage.

Drug and Alcohol Addiction
Statistics show that one third of all marriages end because a drug or alcohol addiction is going untreated. This can be the final blow to a marriage if it is left untreated.  If this has become a problem in the marriage both partners must seek counseling and the appropriate treatment so that trust can be reestablished. If the addictive partner refuses to seek help many times the other spouse has no choice but to leave the marriage.

Disillusionment
Whirlwind romances and brief courtships can make people vulnerable to disillusionment. It is just too easy early on to paint a rosy picture of the relationship. Often when children arrive and other hardships happen in a relationship the partners become unhappy and start to wonder if "the grass is greener" somewhere else.  Disillusionment is very easy to fall into especially the older you get and the more needy you feel. It is important that couples realize that life has it's ups and downs and not everyday is a honeymoon. Couples often fail to cope with life's trials together. When painful trials come into the marriage, instead of standing together through them, couples who tend to blame each other or think something is wrong with the spouse as a way to handle the pain often doom their marriage to fail. Working together to help insure the happiness of each other can help disillusionment from taking a toll on your marriage.

Financial problems
In today's volatile economy many couples fail to anticipate and plan for their financial future.  In today's `buy now and pay later" society married couples have convinced themselves that they can have everything they want. Divorce attorneys state that many of the couples they see have serious financial problems and often have to declare bankruptcy along with divorce.  Married couples must learn early on to manage their money, budget and determine where there money will be spent.  Failure to be wise in financial matters can doom a marriage. Any married couple (no matter the state of the marriage) would do well to become educated about all financial matters and take their financial future into their hands and protect their marriage.