Dating as a single parent

With the rising rates of divorce it is very common to find yourself dating again as a single parent. Being a single parent who is dating again is not always due to divorce, but no matter the reason it can be daunting. Dating can be tricky as it is, but being a single parent, and having to start dating again has its own set of trials and rewards. The following is a look at single parent dating:

The trials you face:

The trials you face as a single parent are going to be very similar to those anyone dating is going to face, but in some cases those trials are amplified. For example, you are going to have the same insecurities, the same worries, and the same level of difficulty or ease of attracting members of the opposite sex. However, as a single parent your insecurities now include insecurities of your children, fears and worries about not only how you will feel about someone but how your children will respond, and now it is not just you the person has to be attracted to, but they have to like your child or children as well, or at least they have to be okay with you have a child or children.

As a single parent who is dating you have the trial of knowing when to introduce your dates to your children. This can be a real challenge because sometimes it is too much too soon, and other times your date may feel like something is wrong because you have not introduced them yet. Each person is going to feel differently, but what matters most is how you feel. If you want your kids to meet all of your dates, great. If you only want them to meet the ones you are serious about, that is great too. You have to evaluate how your children are going to respond to your dates, and when it would be appropriate for them to meet them.

As a single parent who is dating you have the trial of explaining your choices to your children. Many times children either do not understand or do not want to understand why you are dating again. It does not matter if your child is a teen, or a toddler, it can be difficult to explain your choices to them. In some cases they do not have the mental capacity to understand why you are with someone other than their mommy or daddy. In other cases they simply resent you for leaving, or for moving on. The difficulty of this situation will vary based on your children, your time frame, and your situation. For example, if you have a messy divorce, and your teenage child is having a hard time coping with it, and you start dating a week after it is final, they may lash out and have a hard time understanding. However, if your spouse were to pass away, and a year or so later you decide to date again, they may be far more understanding. Your child or children do not have to like your choices, but it is always a good idea to try and help them understand them, or at least understand that it is your choice to make.

As a single parent who is dating you have the trial of finding sitters to watch your children while you go on dates. Dating as a single adult is far different from dating as a single parent. You have people who rely on you to be places at certain times. If your child has to be up for school in the morning, and they count on you to get them up, dressed, fed, and out the door, staying out until two or three in the morning is not going to be as easy as it was when you were in college dating. Also, you have to rely on other people to be able to date. If you have young children, you can't just leave them home, you have to find someone to care for them. You have to pay someone to watch them, etc. this in and of itself can be expensive and difficult financially for single parents.

As a single parent who is dating you can't just think of your own needs, and wishes, and evaluate dates based on those, but you have to consider the needs of your children as well. You may find a person who is absolutely wonderful for you. They are smart, successful, and attractive. But, let's say they travel three weeks of the month, and you have a toddler. It may be very hard on your child to connect with someone who is not going to be there enough. This is going to be especially true if their other parent is not in their life much, or is not around. There are tons of situations and characteristics to consider, but all in all, you aren't the only one who needs to approve.

As a single parent who is dating you face the trial of finding people who are okay with you have children, and who are accepting of your children. Sometimes getting in a relationship with someone with the kind of responsibilities that parenting entails, is intimidating. As a single parent you might find that your parental status scares people away. This can be discouraging.

How to introduce your kids to your dates:

The majority of experts recommend that single parents with young children should avoid introducing their children to dates unless they are getting serious with the person. Children, especially those whose parents have divorced, need consistency in life. Continually meeting people who go in and out of their life is not healthy, and can make them unstable, or insecure. So, instead, reserve the introduction of your kids to your dates, or your dates to your kids for the men or women that matter the most to you. You want to be fairly certain that the person is going to stay in their life for a while before you bring them into it.

If you have older children, especially teens who have problems with you dating, it can be good for them to feel included by being introduced to your dates, and getting to share their opinion of the date with you. Of course, sometimes for your date this is awkward, and will make them think you are moving too quickly. So, in these situations it is wise to evaluate your date, and what their reaction might be, as well as your child, before introducing. Then, when you do make the first introductions, keep it casual. For example, have them pick you up at home, and let your kid answer the door. This is an informal way to break the ice and let them meet each other without it being too rigid or awkward.

No matter what, as a single parent who is dating you need to decide what you are comfortable with, and set some standards for yourself. For example, you may decide that no one gets to meet your kids until you have been out five times. This will really help you eliminate dates that are temporary additions to your life, or dates that will be kid shy. If they have taken you on five dates, or gone on five dates with you, chances are they won't be opposed to meeting your children. Of course, you need to make sure they are aware that you have children, and that you are protecting them, not hiding them.

How to meet other single parents:

Besides the problems that come with children, and their insecurities about your dating, you also have to face the obstacle of meeting other single parents to date, or at least other people who are okay with dating someone with children. In most cases, the best way to find someone comfortable with your situation is to find someone in a similar situation.

There are several ways to meet single parents. You can sign up for online dating services that are specifically geared to single parents. You can meet single parents at daycare, preschool, or other places where you take your children. You are bound to find other parents in the same situation if you attend adult functions. Or, you can get set up by coworkers and friends. Of course if you are only interested in dating single parents, like yourself, then an online dating site is probably the best option.