How to be a more effective parent

Parenting is not the easiest task in the world, and while you may be a good parent, there are always ways to be more effective. If you have ever wondered how to be a more effective parent, consider the following tips:

Pay attention: Effective parents do not wait for their children to come to them with problems, they pay close enough attention to their children that they can sense when their child is going through something, hiding something, being deceptive, in need of a pick me up, etc. If you pay attention, your child will tell you all kinds of things through non-verbal communication. Watch their moods, watch how they interact with others, watch how they interact with you. When kids are doing something wrong they are usually belligerent and rude to their parents, or resistant. The most effective parents know with out being told that something is wrong. It might be that your child's friends were mean to them at school, or that your daughter got dumped by her boyfriend, or that they did poorly on a test, etc. Keep your eyes, ears, and senses open.

Stop multi-tasking when with your child: The most effective parents are not always the ones that get everything done, have the cleanest house, or the most organized life. The most effective parents are the ones that put their children first and foremost, and do not try to fit a million other things into the time they are with their kids. If you are driving your child to soccer practice, instead of making your list of phone calls, talk to your child. Call the people on your way home. If your child comes in the room and wants to talk while you are watching television, turn it off and talk. Multi-tasking while you are with your children often sends the message that they are not as important as what you are doing. Multi-tasking when you are with your children makes it difficult for you to pick up on the things they are not saying, but are feeling.

Listen between the lines. While this has already been covered in part, it is a critical part of being an effective parent. Kids often find it hard to talk to their parents about things that really matter. This means that as a parent you need to be aware of this, and watch for the signs that your child has something of importance on their mind. Pay special attention to what your kids may be trying to say by paying attention to their emotions and the intensity of those emotions. When you do this you can pick up on and address concerns that your child may be having. This is going to help them to alleviate stress, and to have a happier, healthier life.

Ask their opinion. Part of effective parenting involves your children. Your kids have to feel good about themselves, and feel like they matter to you. One of the best ways to get these results is to simply include your children in discussions, and in planning. Ask their opinion on things. You can ask their opinion on trivial things like your outfit, or on things that may matter more such as where to take your next family vacation. You do not have to ask about important issues, but you should be asking them about things to show them that their opinion matters to you, and that they matter to you. When you ask their opinion they feel more apart of a group or a team, rather than a forced relationship based on relation, it is one based on mutual respect, trust, and understanding. So, work to include your child. Ask their opinion on consequences for breaking rules. Ask their opinion on what rules should be in force. Ask their opinion on politics, religion, etc. Just ask, and when they answer, listen, respect their opinion, and even if you disagree with it, recognize that they are entitled to it.

Make the time for your child. Let's face it, we as parents are busy, and our children are not our only responsibilities. Most parents have jobs, either part time or full, a home to manage, community and church responsibilities, and more. With some many demands on our time, it can be difficult to be an effective parent. However, in today's complex world, it's even more important to make sure you set aside time to talk and play with your children. This is not time where you sit down and have a formal conversation, but it is time when you are not on the phone, not watching television, or cleaning the bathroom, etc. so that conversation and discussion can come about freely. This could be around your dinner table each night. It could be as you drive your kids to practices or events each day. Whatever time you find that works for you, even if it is just when you are all in and out of the kitchen for snacks, making time to talk to your child is key to effective parenting. One great suggestions for this is to simply have an after school snack ready for your child in the kitchen when they get home from school, and make yourself busy in there. That way as they sit at the counter to eat it, you can have comfortable conversation that is not forces, and that is easy. This is just as effective for teens as it is for elementary aged kids.

In addition to that you have to take time to play with them as well. Whether your kid is a toddler or a teen, spending time with them that is fun for both of you is important to building a strong relationship, and strong relationships are important for you to be an effective parent. Have fun not just on weekends, but while doing everyday things. You can get in soap fights while doing dishes, or race to clean rooms and have prizes. You can decorate cookies just because. You can sing songs while you make dinner, or jump on the beds. There are plenty of ways to have more fun, pillow fights, tag in the house, the list goes on. If you make a real effort to make life more fun, even if it just means making smiley faces out of bacon and strawberries on top of your pancake breakfast in the morning, do it! The most effective parents are the ones that kids want to be around because they can be themselves and do not have to walk on egg shells.

Listen to the little stuff. Your kid is probably willing to talk to you, as long as they know you will listen. Kids stop making efforts to inform you of their life, or talk to you about nonsense when they see that you do not care, or are busy with other things all of the time. So, make sure that when your kids talk to you, even if it is about inconsequential, "little" stuff, that you really listen. This helps you be a more effective parent because if your kids feel like they can talk to you about the little stuff, then when the heavy issues such as sex and drugs, etc. come up, they will turn to you then as well. If you listen when they talk about the everyday things like schoolwork, they will be more likely to trust you enough to talk about everything in their life. This is essential communication for effective parenting.

Be consistent. Effective parents are those that have a firm set of rules, that have attached consequences, and that learn how to react the same way no matter what their mood or outside circumstances. This is the ideal, and it is hard to reach. However, children who know what to expect usually act better, and feel more secure. Basically they know that despite how tough mom or dad's day has been, they are going to get the same consequence for hitting as they would on any other day. This is critical to your child following rules, growing up, and feeling secure in their home. If they are worried that sometimes when they steal they get a talking to, and other times they get spanked, they will not be as responsive. As a parent you have to show your child that you are going to be consistent. You have to follow through with any threats you make, or you are teaching them how to get away with things, which makes life harder and harder as they get older. For example, if your teen knows that if they complain long enough, they will get their way, you are going to have a rough life. However, if they learn early that when you say no that is what you mean, they will soon learn to not waste their time and energy pestering you. While occasionally they may still do it, the occurrences will be less frequent.

Be there. Effective parents are around. You can't be as effective as parents if you are never home. If you both work full time and you are not there when your child gets home from school, practice, etc. how can you keep tabs on what is going on in their life and guide and direct them? You can't. So, work on being a more effective parent by committing to be there during the comings and goings of your family. For example, you can still work, just do it during school hours so that you can see your kids off safely, and be there when they get home to ensure they are doing their homework, that nothing traumatic happened to them during the day, and that they are acting the way they should. You should know where they are at all times, and make sure they know where you are as well so that when you are gone, at work, at the store, etc. they know how to find you and get in touch with you if they do need you. If you are not available to them, how can you expect them to come to you for advice? To confide in you when they have a problem? Or to ask for your help? The most effective parents are there in the morning before school, are there when their kids get home from school, and are there when their kids go to bed at night.

Create bonds. The most effective parents do something that helps their family create bonds and feel like a team rather than people just living in the same house. This can be done by establishing family traditions. These do not always have to be holiday related. For example, your tradition could be something as simple as going through the Sunday newspaper ads together and figuring out meals for the week so you can do your grocery shopping on Monday and get what everyone likes. Your traditions might be something not as fun, like Saturday morning chores, followed by a family outing. They could be something like Pancakes on Sunday for breakfast. Traditions are a great way to get the family into bonding mode. You could plan your family summer vacation together each year, or exchange names at Christmas, or plant flowers in spring.