Make the best aspects of your marriage shine

Studies have shown that 50 percent of all marriages fail in the United States. With such staggering statistics, it is important to focus on the positive aspects of your marriage if you intend to stay married to the same person for the rest of your life. Marriages take a lot of work and couples need to work daily at making their marriage work. By focusing on the positive aspects of your marriage, you will be able to make sure you and your partner are both satisfied in your marriage.

Every person has habits, traits, beliefs, attitudes, and values that their partner may disagree with. It is up to the partner to focus on the positive habits, traits, beliefs, attitudes, and values they admire. It is easy to become annoyed with little habits and traits of your spouse. Studies have proven that living with the same person for a long time will make the other person more focused on the annoying habits of that person. Once the partner starts focusing on the negative aspects of the marriage, it is easy for other annoying traits and habits to surface and negative cycle begins to occur.

It is important to pick your battles in a marriage. Ask yourself if these annoyances are really important. Stop focusing on the negative things your spouse does and start looking at the little things they are doing right. Focusing on the positive really does start to improve a person's mood and it helps to improve their relationship. If you commonly associate with people that focus on the negative aspects of their marriage, start looking for new people to associate with. Try to stay around people that are more positive and look at the good characteristics of their marriage and their spouse. It is important to spend time with your spouse and spend time associating with other people that enjoy being with their spouses. Studies have shown that spending too much time with other people that focus on the negative aspects of their marriage spread a destructive pattern to their friend's marriages.

One way to focus on the positive aspects of your marriage is to create a list of all the qualities you admire in your spouse. For example, if you admire your spouse's ability to remain calm in stressful situations, write this quality on the list and make sure to tell your spouse how much you appreciate that quality they have. If you nurture resentment in your marriage, it will take over and destroy your marriage. Continually focusing on the problems in a marriage only makes the marriage worse and eventually the couple will grow apart.

Couples that remain angry with another after an argument will blot out the positive aspects of their marriage. All the fond memories they have created with this person will be overtaken by anger and aggression. If anger overtakes a marriage, you will be unable to see a balanced picture of your marriage. A marriage can seem hopeless when you devote more time to the negative aspects of a marriage. The ability to be creative and generate a fresh perspective to the marriage are gone and your marriage will become worse. Every person is in control of their own thoughts, attitudes, behaviors, mannerisms, beliefs, and values. By changing your attitude, you be able to see your marriage differently. When you undergo an attitude change, you will also be able to see your entire life differently.

One way to create a positive marriage is to avoid setting expectations. When you have expectations set in your mind and your spouse doesn't achieve them, or achieves them in a different manner, it is easy to become annoyed and upset with them. If one spouse expects to see flowers every day or dinner on the table when they arrive home from work, it will cause conflict in the marriage. If your spouse commonly makes dinner in time for you to eat when you arrive home for the day, take time to thank them. It is impossible to set daily expectations for the other person and have them accomplish them each day. When there are expectations, there is an assumption that the other person knows what those expectations are. People cannot read minds, which is why it is important to communicate what is important to you and why you may need your partner to do some things for you.

It is easier to change your perception to focus on joy, happiness, compassion, and honesty instead of resentment, deceit, anger, and fear. Studies have found that people that are able to focus on the positive aspects of the marriage are able to lighten their emotional load and creative positive solutions to problems in their marriage and in their life. The positive energy you bring to the marriage will radiate on everyone around you, especially on your spouse. The anger between you and your spouse will soften and compassion and gratitude will begin to emerge.

It will be easier to create a mutual understanding when you can compromise and find a middle ground. Marriage takes compromise and sacrifice on the part of both individuals. It is unfair for one partner to get everything their way and expect their partner to agree to everything.

The pressures of daily life can cause stress and hardship on any marriage. A marriage not only needs to focus on the serious aspects of life, but you need to make time to forget about the stresses and pressures and make time to have fun together. Couples become bored and distraught in their marriages when they are no longer having fun and enjoying their time together. At least twice a month, a couple needs to plan an activity and spend time together. Some couples avoid doing activities because they have a tight budget, if this is the case, look for activities you can do around your house that are fun. Some activities don't cost anything and they allow the couple to re-connect and spend time together enjoying one another's company.

Every marriage needs to have a goal to look forward to. If a family decides they want to take a trip in a few years to another country, they need to sit down as a family and discuss it. Couples need to sit down and create some goals for their marriage. Don't just look at the long term goals, but the short term goals as well. If you write your goals down, it is easier to attain them. Set realistic goals for your marriage and for your family.

Marriages are not stress-free and they will include conflict and controversy. When a marriage goes through some hard times, it is easy to build a wall and stop communicating with your spouse. Anger and resentment sneak into the marriage and people stop working on their marriage. A popular saying for newlywed's states: "Never go to bed angry." Some couples practice this philosophy because they feel their marriage is stronger when they spend time together working out the problem now instead of avoiding it, hoping it will fix itself later.

Keeping strong during the hard times will help you focus on the positive aspects of your marriage. Try to keep a smile on your face as you work together to figure out the problem. The worst reaction you can give in a marriage is to become silent and become angry toward your partner. Several couples seek the advice of marriage counselors to help them solve their differences and help them find the mutual ground they cannot find on their own. If one spouse can remain positive during the hard times, the other spouse may eventually start looking at the positive aspects of their marriage. Stay positive and remember that it may only be a phase. Here are some simple tips to follow that may help you focus on the positive aspects of your marriage:

•     Create a list each day of all positive aspects of your partner. Be sure to thank your partner periodically throughout the day for those traits. Simple things like washing the dishes, shoveling the snow, mowing the lawn, and taking out the garbage should all be included on your list.
•     Write down the qualities you can improve on. If you have a short temper, try to control it by spending some time exercising or working out your frustrations other ways. Try to avoid being short-tempered with your spouse and take deep breaths if you feel yourself becoming upset and frustrated.    Remind yourself how much your spouse has contributed to your life. Write down the things your spouse has taught you and remind yourself of these qualities on a daily basis.
•     Purchase inspirational music and reading material that teach you how to be a better person and a better spouse. When you listen or read this material on a daily basis, you will notice your personality start to change and you will start encouraging your spouse and others.
•     Spend less time with the people that only focus on the negative aspects of their marriage. Look for people that are truly satisfied in their marriage and spend more time with them, they will help to enrich your positive energy and encourage you to work on your marriage.