Dealing with a selfish child

Selfish children are one hundred percent normal. Kids are selfish naturally, but that does not make it any easier to deal with them or raise them. Most parents that have selfish children struggle with the fact that they do not know what to do with the child when they over react and lash out in selfishness. So, what can you do to help your child not be as selfish, or how can you deal with a selfish child? The answer is simple. The best way to teach kids not to be selfish is to be unselfish yourself. Of course there are other things you can do as well. The following is a great set of tips for how to deal with a selfish child, and naturally and easily refocus their attention so that they are not as selfish.

Tip one. Be a good role model:
Kids are going to imitate what they see, so if they see you being selfish, they are going to be even more selfish. Modeling any behavior is always your best bet for changing behavior. If you want to help your child be less selfish, focus on that in your own life. As you improve your own levels of selfishness, your children will reciprocate in kind.

Your child sees you, they see how you act, they see how you interact with others, and when they see a change in you, they will respond to it far better than they will by having you just tell them to not be selfish. Actions speak louder than words, and this is especially true with little children. Your kid might not listen to a thing you say all day, but they will see what you do. For example, if you tell them they can't have a treat before dinner, and they see you doing it, you are going to bet they will notice. So, be the best role model for unselfish behavior, and point it out when you do it. So, for example, if you share your food with your child, use the word "share", if you let them use something that is yours, or if you do something that exemplifies an unselfish demeanor, it is going to make an impact.

Tip two. Encourage sharing:
Encouraging your child to share is a big part of teaching them not to be selfish. However, like with anything, if you push too far, you will probably meet resistance. So, while you want to encourage your child to share, be careful not to turn your child off sharing by pushing too hard. Instead, take things gradually. Introduce sharing first by encouraging things like turn taking, and short time periods of sharing. Then be sure that as you work to encourage your child to share that you praise them lavishly, no matter how small the step forward. Baby steps deserve praise. So, give them opportunities to share, and then encourage and praise them along the way. As you praise the small things they do, you will foster and help improve their innate desire to give and please.

As your child starts to get better at sharing, step it up a level. Consider using an egg timer to dictate how long toys must be shared, etc. Your child is going to learn that sharing is fun, but they will need some encouragement. For example, you can do musical toys, where you play a song, and when the song ends, it is time to switch toys. This makes trading and sharing fun. If musical toys is not going to work for you, then try treats or hugs and kisses as a way to reinforce some good behavior.

One thing you have to recognize is that when you are encouraging your child to share, you have to respect that there are going to be some things that they want to keep just to themselves. We all have "our" things that we do not share. It might be your special chocolates, or your tub pillow, or whatever it might be. So, you have to respect that your child might have a favorite toy, or a favorite whatever, and they may not want to share it. So, that is okay. If you want your child to not be selfish, then allow them to have their own little thing. Give them their special things that they do not have to share, ever.

Tip three. Teach empathy:
While it is key to teach your child to share, it is also important to teach them to be kind. Teaching a child to be kind is just as important as showing them how to share, if not more so. Kids will be selfish until there's something in it for them, what is in it for them is the good feelings they get if they see the joy in their friends face. As you teach your child empathy, you are going to give them opportunities to experience how good it feels to care for someone else through your own loving behavior.

So, teach empathy by showing your child empathy. Take the time to listen to them. Stop paying your bills for a minute to look in their eyes and kiss their owies better, etc. If you can do that, your child will imitate that behavior, and not be so caught up in their own world that they can't take time for someone else's problems, etc.

Tip four. Teach some giving:
Okay, sharing is great, kindness is great, but to help eliminate selfishness, you want your child to get beyond this. So, start a new thing where your child starts giving, and not just recieving. Each time your child gets a new toy, a new outfit, or whatever, have your child give one of their own toys or outfits to someone else. If you do not know someone to give it to, then donate to a charity, or to a local clothing bank, etc. This will benefit you in that you will cut back on clutter, etc.

Your child will help you come up with ideas for who to give stuff to. They will start to get the giving bug, and will find joy in giving more than receiving. Soon, selfishness is replaced with giving, loving, and having fun!

Tip five. Service:
One of the fastest ways to get rid of selfishness is to offer service to others, mostly time. You can serve individuals, or you can find opportunities to serve your community in which children can participate or observe. So, if you make dinner for the neighbor because they are ill, have your child help, and have them go with you to deliver it. These opportunities for service will really help them to get rid of selfishness. There are always opportunities for service in the community: they can sort items for church bazaars, serve soup at the homeless shelter, or weed gardens at the community park. Seeing the needs of others helps children to focus less on what they need and tune into what they can do for others. This is an awesome way to encourage less selfish behavior.

Selfishness boils down to the person focusing on them, and wanting the rest of the world to revolve around them, what they want to do, eat, see, say, etc. If your child were to go with you to a soup kitchen and help serve meals to the homeless, they may reflect inwardly, and suddenly the tantrum they threw because you had chicken for dinner when they wanted pork, seems silly. They will realize that there is more to life than getting their way, and you will see an improvement in their behavior. Of course, after time, it will wear off if you do not provide your child with constant or at least frequent reminders that other people have needs as well. So, have your child help you plan one service activity each month that you are going to participate in with your family. It does not have to be huge, or take a lot of time, but it is a great way to help chip away at selfishness.

Tip six. Give your child responsibility:
One other great thing you can do to help you get rid of selfishness is to give your child some responsibility. Responsibility helps a child know that they are not the center of the universe. Responsibilities like helping the family to get the house clean on Saturday morning, or clearing the table after dinner, or taking the dog out for walks, etc.make them part of a team, and teaches them to do something for others, even if it is just a pet. Household chores reinforce the idea of the individual working to benefit the whole. which is the opposite of selfishness.

If you have an extremely selfish child, it is a good idea to get them a pet. Pets can not feed themselves, take themselves out to the bathroom, etc. So, your child will have to learn quickly to put the needs of the pet first, otherwise it will be an unpleasant experience for them to have the pet. If you give them full responsibility, they will have to forgo selfish behaviors, and worry about the pet's needs. No matter how tired they are, if the dog needs to go out, they need to take it. No matter what level of their video game they are on, if the cat needs to eat, they need to pause to feed them.

It's not difficult to teach kids to kids not to be selfish, but it does take time and effort. You have to practice kindness toward them, and be forgiving of their occasional outburts. You have to practice unselfishness to them and others and your kids will copy your behavior. As you guide, encourage, and praise your child, you need to also give them some opportunities to practice unselfish behavior, whether that is scheduling play dates so that they need to share their toys, or whether that means taking them out to serve the community by picking up garbage along the highways, or donating old toys and clothes to the less fortunate. There are plenty of opportunities to be unselfish, and there are lots of people out there that have needs that are not being met. So, help your child to experience the benefits and joy that come from not being selfish. If you do, your child will be sweeter, and your life will be far more pleasant.