Building on your child's strengths

When raising children to be successful adults it is important that you learn how to build on your child's strengths, rather than focusing on their weaknesses. If you can help your child take what they are good at, and be even better at it, you will inspire confidence in them, and help them to feel comfortable and happy with who they are.

Focusing on strengths does not imply that you should ignore the challenges your child faces, but rather instead, help them through those challenges by giving them experiences that give them the confidence to move through the things they struggle with. Often, giving a child experiences and tasks that allow them to practice and move to a higher level of performance will facilitate self-efficacy. When your child believes they can accomplish any task put before them, they will. So, building on their strengths actually helps them to be a more all around well-rounded individual.

One of the problems many parents face is that when they gear their efforts toward fixing or improving on what the child does poorly, or what they do wrong, the child feels like they can't do anything right. Instead of becoming the better academic, or the better athlete, or whatever the case may be, they tend to give up, rather than disappoint they often just do not try. So, what can you do to help your child improve and grow?

If your child excels in a subject, find a way to expose them to a challenging enriching environment that promotes growth of that natural ability. For example, if your child is great with logical and mathematical reasoning, get them in higher level math classes in school, and compliment them in their thinking. As they expand, and do well in the area, their confidence in their own abilities will grow, and that confidence can be applied to areas they may not have excelled at in the past, such as English. If your child has a natural inclination and interest in something, support it, and provide opportunities to expand on it. It could be as simple as researching those who excel in that field and learning how they achieved their goals. If it is science, and they find that their hero excelled simply through experimentation and trial and error, then give them the things they need to experiment, and encourage them to do so. The positive momentum of working hard and experiencing excellence in something that excites can often propel a child forward and reinforce the belief that hard work pays off, even in the more difficult subjects or things for them.

As you can see, building on strengths is a great way to help your child build confidence and improve all around. It also gives them an area where they are one of the greats. This is very rewarding for both parents and children. Whether it is in a subject of academia, or on the playing field, having a child who excels at something feels good, for you and the child. So, how can you as a parent build on their strengths? The following are some great tips for what you can do to help you child build on their strengths:

Tip one: Find ways through their problems that still give them confidence.

To understand this tip, let's look at an example. If your child is struggling with spelling, and is not at the spelling level of the average child their age, it can be really frustrating to them to go through their spelling lists each night. So, you can change tactics with them. Instead of drilling spelling into their head, why not let them play a spelling game on the computer. If they are confident in their computer skills, then combining those skills with something they are less confident in will help to bring both to the same level. Your child may find that in an environment that they feel good in, something that once was difficult for them becomes easier. Or, at the very least, more fun.

Another tact for helping your child through problems in a way that still gives them confidence, is to have them work on a problem in a unique way, and thus while working on it, they can grow in other areas. In many cases, if you take the time that you should spend on something difficult for them, and refocus it, you can bring out the best in your child. With the previously mentioned example, if your child struggles with spelling, and instead of making them do rote memorization, you let them take spelling time and use it to become computer literate, suddenly, problems with spelling do not seem as monumental. Why? Because you have spell checker and a word processing program to help offset the spelling difficulties, and so instead of being bogged down with their inability to spell, they can instead focus on their creativity, and gain confidence in their ability to put a story together, or to use a computer program etc. They will still be working on their spelling, but instead of feeling like they can do nothing right, they will have tools to help them on their way. The end result: they still work on spelling, and gain confidence in another area while they are at it.

Tip two: Provide opportunities for your child to be recognized for their strengths.

Praise can do wonders for a child. If your child is doing really well in school, and scores a perfect score on a test, hanging that test on the refrigerator to show it off to all who enter the kitchen looking for a snack, reinforces your child's abilities and their worth. They will suddenly want to achieve the same results every time because they like how they feel when they do. Being recognized for your accomplishments feels good, and often inspires more accomplishments.

There are many ways to go about providing opportunities for your child to be recognized for their strengths. Some are more subtle then hanging their work on the fridge. If your child's strength lies in athletics, then one of the best way to help them is to enroll them in a team sport. Even if they are not the best on their team, they will get the chance to play in games, and to have their ability out there. Not joining the team means hiding their strengths. So, encourage your child to try out, or, if they are not good enough for a high school team, encourage them to join a recreation league, or club team. This way they still get to build on their strength. They may not be the best at their strength, but that does not mean they should ignore it, or that you should. Recognize and encourage the building of strengths, get behind them.

Another great way to build on your child's strengths is to simply brag about your child every chance you get. If your child looks up to you, as most do, they will revel in hearing your praise as you tell other people of their accomplishments. Kids who hear their parents boast about them can't help but feel proud, appreciated, and important. This inspires confidence, and leads to improved performance in other areas of their life, including their areas of weakness.

Tip three: Give verbal and physical praise and encouragement.

If you want to build on your child's strengths it is key that you give them both verbal and physical encouragement and praise. For example, if they come home and tell you that they got on "A" on their math test, you can give them a high-five, a hug, or a thumbs up, but you can also say, "Awesome", "Good job!", "I am so proud of you." etc. It is important that you are positive in every aspect, and help them feel like there is nothing they can't do. Never say stuff like, "See, it wasn't that hard." This undermines their ability and makes them feel like anyone could have done it. Instead focus on their accomplishment, and how great they are for doing it. This can be for anything, if your toddler is four and still not potty trained, you do not help them to potty train by pointing out how bad they are at it, you help them by lavishly praising them each time they get it right. When building on the strengths of your child, take the same approach.

Clap, say "good job", pat them on the back, give them a hug, send them a text with encouraging words, send them an e-mail telling them how proud you are, announce your pride and encouragement through your status on Facebook. There are a lot of ways to help your child build on their strengths, through several different technologies. So, never miss an opportunity for verbal and physical praise and encouragement.

Tip four: Provide opportunity for them to build on their strengths.

If your child is musically talented, but you never enroll them in music classes, or get them an instrument, or whatever their needs are to build on their strength, how can you expect them to? If your child is a natural athlete, but you do not provide them with the equipment that they need, or the money to pay fees for joining teams, etc. how can they build on that strength? If your child's strengths lie in their social ability, and their ability to lead, but you never let them do things with friends, or join clubs, etc. how can they build on that strength? You can't expect your child to grow and continue to become better at something if they are not given the opportunity. If you notice a natural ability or inclination toward something in your child, the best thing you can do for them is to support them (physically, emotionally, monetarily, etc.) so that they can explore that. If your child asks to be put in dance class, or to have a guitar, or to play a team sport, or to get a microscope, etc. it is easy to say no because the expense is high, and if they do not follow through it is a waste for you. However, by letting them explore their potential, even if they never do anything with their microscope, etc. you are helping them build on and play to their strengths. For example, your child may be enraptured with the idea of playing guitar, so you shell out the cash to get one, to get books, a case, etc. and to pay for a teacher, and shortly after you learn your child has no aptitude for music. Is it is a waste? No! You and your child have now learned that their strengths do not lie in music, and thus, you can focus your energy, time, money, and attention elsewhere. Does it stink to lose that money? Yes. Can it be frustrating? Yes. But it is also worth is, because when they do find their strength, they know you will support them in it, and they will likely grow in that area quickly.

The fact of life is that while it is good for your child to do a lot, and know a lot, our society does not need more students leaving high school, wandering aimlessly through college with a mediocre or average set of aptitude in a host of subjects. What we need are people who know their passions and are willing to work hard toward attainable goals. If you can build on your child's strengths, and support them as they explore their capabilities, you will help your child be successful, and someone that can contribute to society, not drain on it.